The San Francisco AirBnB fail.

So, I’m sure some of you are eager to hear about the night at our first ever AirBnB which ended up, thanks to Bill, the AirBnB hotline helper, in a four star Hotel in the middle of SF.

Let me start from the beginning. Julie and I decided to pick up her friend Summer, and her girlfriend Kayli at San Francisco Airport, from where we took a taxi to the area where our AirBnB was located. At first it seemed strangely posh for the price we paid: a gate with a security guard, lots of nice apartment complexes, a lot of nice cars parked outside. Our host (here we shall call him Mike) let us know by text that he was still at the beach with his friends, and would come home soonish. We didn’t mind too much, as he left us instructions on how to enter his apartment. When we finally got in we encountered an utterly frightened and shaking Pitbull (which we later found out was named Diesel). He was alright with the girls touching him, but he was probably wondering who the hell is that guy, and how did he come into my house without my daddy. Needless to say, he didn’t let me come close. We dropped our stuff in the room and explored the flat a bit. In the living room there were three couches, and from the ashtray and the pipe on the table it was quite clear: marihuana is consumed regularly in this flat. Being an open-minded bunch we weren’t really impressed, until we found a weed plant growing on the balcony. We thought that was kind of strange, since although medicinal marihuana is legal in the state of California, growing for personal consumption is strictly forbidden. So it should have been clear that we were going to be staying with people who were quite blunt (see what I did there) in the pursuit of their illegal hobbies. But we assumed it was just a bunch of stoners, from which the chance seemed quite high (I did it again) that they are harmless and would provide a decent stay for 3 nights. We didn’t really continue thinking about it, and decided to go buy some food so we could eat. When we came back from our shopping trip, the girls (Kayli and Julie) wanted to start cooking, they sounded a little alarmed: no cutlery, plates, forks, knives, and barely any cooking gear. It has to be said here that the flat was also in a desperate need of a clean. The fish tanks were green (my brother would’ve kidnapped these fish for a better life in his pond), so green he was actually re-growing old salad and celery at the top so he wouldn’t have to clean the tanks, presumably, ever. The stove was covered in aluminium foil (for easy “cleaning”), the towels had black marks on them and most of the electrics in our rooms weren’t covered. Anyway, they improvised and made the (very tasty) quesadillas and salad. While in the process of finishing the proper fun started (fun as in like watching a movie, which really depends on your taste of entertainment). Mike came in with 2 or 3 friends, introduced himself, introduced his friends and Diesel, and said: “I hope you don’t mind but we’ve just been drinking at the beach, and I’m pretty drunk and so are my friends. I hope that’s ok.” He seemed like a nice enough guy and so did his friends so we were actually quite looking forward to having some beers with them. The next friends came in, accompanied by a two year old child and her pregnant mother, who (Mike made this quite clear) shouldn’t be drinking. It didn’t seem like she was… At first. Then more and more people started pouring into the flat. Mike also said: “My roommate is black, and he might bring some of his black friends, I hope that’s ok.” Totally fine with us, although I found it weird that he thought we would immediately be judgemental. More and more people came, blacks, whites, Latinos, etc. They all seemed to be slightly tipsy, weed high, and generally in a happy party mood. All good until a pretty tall white guy came tumbling into the apartment, and asked another guy why he had hit him in the face. Clearly the other guy had already given that guy a slightly bloody wound in the face before arriving. So tall guy constantly wanted to regain his “honor” from the guy with hat. Guy with hat kept avoiding and tall guy kept chasing him around the kitchen counter trying to swing at guy with hat. Meanwhile Mike and his friends were trying to break it up and kind of trying to calm tall guy down, not very effectively though. Anyway, one of the very sassy Latina woman got in the way of tall guy and started arguing with him (clearly making him more angry). I didn’t really hear what was being said but it went a little something like:
Latina: Shouting about leaving the guy alone and what not.
Tall guy going: “Fuck that. Do you even know who made me?”
Latina: “Your mother made you”.
Tall guy punches Latina pretty hard in the face. Yup right in the head, but she is pretty sturdy and just picks up a cup of beer and throws it at him. Julie immediately leaves the room, a couple of guys push the tall guy up against the fridge punching and choke him, telling him it is definitely time to leave. He struggles to fight back because he’s quite drunk, and is getting held back by like 3 guys. All the while Summer is kind of stuck in the middle, and me and Kayli pull her out the side. Funnily one of the black guys, I’ll call him happy dude, was like: “Ahw Maaaan all this fighting and shit, fuck that dude.” Somehow it turned out that Mikes warning of black guys should have been the exact opposite. Then I start talking to another black guy who kept apologising for his friends and what was happening, and he says: “you know this shit has been going on for a long time between them two. You ever heard of something like underground boxing matches? ” I say “yeah I think so” he says “yeah we’re kinda into that shit..” I don’t know if he was kidding or not, but that might explain the “do you even know who made me” thing.

Anyway the guy gets beaten outside, we join Julie in the room and start reflecting on what had just happened. Needless to say the girls were in Union to say: we should get out of here. I wasn’t really all too worried because of how the host, and his friends reacted to the drunkard, but it was fair to say that we didn’t know if he would come back or something similar would happen on Saturday night, or whatever. So we contacted AirBnB by phone, and asked them to move us to a different place because we didn’t feel safe. They said they would get back to us in half an hour. By that time it was already like 12 so it was improbable for us to be able to leave that night. And needless to say it would have been really awkward leaving when they were all really drunk. Anyway, in that half hour break the party seemed to be inside the flat and in the court yard outside our window, the 2 year old was crying, another fight broke out somewhere and eventually someone was shouting “so are we going to order this cocaine or what”. This clearly didn’t help our view of staying there the next two days, and the email from airbnb saying that we should document our experience with pictures and videos didn’t help either. So we called AirBnB again, this time talking to Bill (our saviour) and told him that we couldn’t just walk in there and ask them to pose with the baby while snorting a line of coke. Thankfully he understood, and said he was going to try and get us out of there ASAP. He called us back saying we had to stay the night but as compensation there would be a room reserved for us at the Mariott Hotel, ready at 11am the next day. We agreed and hung up. Now to not make Mike seem too bad of a host, we did sit an talk with them after we booked the hotel. Diesel and I became friends, we talked to the pregnant lady who was mixing whatever with orange juice in her red cup (no idea what though), and happy dude was happy to talk to us, and our host Mike apologised again for what had happened.

Oh yea and guy with hat was really drunk past out on the couch. When he went to the toilet and past our room he first attempted flirting with summer by groaning: “oooohh I like that” but then was disappointed because he though all the girls were my girlfriends; opened another beer drank one gulp and tumbled back to his girlfriend (the pregnant lady) and fell asleep again. Quite funny to watch.

Anyway the 4 star hotel in the Center of town was enjoyed thoroughly, and Mike even refunded us for the 2 nights we didn’t stay at his. All in all we even saved money, and had a great time. Well except for not having slept properly the first night because the room we had wasn’t dark (broken shades) or quiet (Mike and happy guy were playing intense video games until 6am).

And there you go: our AirBnB fail, that was saved by The AirBnB providers, and ended up with a cheap 4 star hotel where we stocked up on free shampoo, soap, conditioner and coffee. Thank you karma.



  1. Great adventure. Maybe see you for vegetarian Bangkok breakfast tomorrow.


    1. Sounds good, if I can wake up Dennis 😉


  2. […] dodged a bullet. Also, the first rule of Fight Club should be “Don’t have Airbnb guests staying at your place when you’re hosting Fight […]


  3. […] dodged a bullet. Also, a initial order of Fight Club should be “Don’t have Airbnb guest staying during your place when you’re hosting Fight […]


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